Author: seareigns

“Every girl is expected to have caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama and doll tits. This is why everyone is struggling.”

—Tina Fey

beckybloomwood:

Festivus

n. An alternative to the crass commercialization of Christmas, typically celebrated on December 23. It involves The Airing of Grievances (telling your family and friends all the ways they have disappointed you during the year) and does not end until the Feats of Strength (pinning the head of the family) are accomplished. A plain, metal pole is used in lieu of a Christmas tree, because decorations (such as tinsel) is distracting from the true meaning of the holiday (x)

inhalers:

being addicted to american tv shows is so annoying because you guys have so many stupid fucking holidays for everything that every other week im disappointed when I go to see if the next ep is up yet and its like nOPE it’s fucking ‘armadillo day’ or something in the states ffs

https://www.tumblr.com/audio_file/seareigns/70696560713/tumblr_mtsnc1wmKW1qcqt0p?plead=please-dont-download-this-or-our-lawyers-wont-let-us-host-audio
http://seareigns.tumblr.com/post/70696560713/audio_player_iframe/seareigns/tumblr_mtsnc1wmKW1qcqt0p?audio_file=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tumblr.com%2Faudio_file%2Fseareigns%2F70696560713%2Ftumblr_mtsnc1wmKW1qcqt0p

americankitsch:

“My honey I know
With the dawn
That you will be gone
But tonight
You belong to me”